Empty Spaces
by AdAbolendam
Summary: While waiting to rescue Han at Jabba's Palace, Luke and Leia start to realize that they are more broken than they had thought. Vignette. Bordering on L/L romance, so skip if you can't think of the medbay on Hoth without gagging.


**Empty Spaces**

**Pre-ROTJ**

As the X-Wing settled onto the shifting, uneven ground outside of Ben Kenobi's hut, Luke Skywalker felt a smile creep across his face. He felt her watching for him, even before the dust had cleared.

She met him at the bottom of the ladder, engulfing him in an embrace before he had a chance to speak. She did not release him, but tucked her head under his chin and relaxed in his arms. He always forgot how small she was.

"I'm glad to see you too," he said over the top of her head.

Leia Organa withdrew and studied his face with a practiced eye.

"Chewie's watching the palace from the north side of the ridge," she informed him.

"Have either of you learned anything?"

"Nothing of use, really. One entrance in and out. But security's not too tight. The droids shouldn't have any trouble getting in. How much longer do you think?"

"We've got to give Lando a chance to get settled and relay the schematics of the interior back to us. A few weeks? It depends on him now."

Leia took his hand, leading him back to the stone hut. Once inside, she perched on a wooden stool at the small kitchen table and stretched her arms high above her head.

"This is such a lonely place, Luke. I don't know how General Kenobi survived all these years without going crazy."

"Who's to say he didn't?" Luke asked. "He told me when I was a child that he lived with an old friend, but no one ever saw him. People used to say he walked around talking to himself."

"I thought you respected him?"

"I do! Crazy and wise aren't mutually exclusive."

Leia smiled and the two settled in to comfortable silence, listening to the wind outside that heralded the arrival of another sandstorm.

"I hope Chewie gets back in time."

"The _Falcon's _docked on the ridge in case he needs quick shelter," Leia assured him. "So…"

"So what?"

"Did you get it?"

His head jerked up and his face flushed.

"I did, but Leia…"

"Let me see!"

"It's in the X-Wing."

"Well?"

"Give me a minute, okay?"

"What is it?"

"I found out a few things about Jabba when I went to meet Lando's contact. Thing's you're not going to like."

"How bad can it be, Luke? We already know he's involved in dealing spice; he runs the slave trade on Tatooine, and then there's the bounty he put out on Han."

"Add 'pimp' to the list."

Leia grimaced. "Okay, that's despicable. But it's hardly beyond the scope of what we know of him."

"These girls aren't willing, Leia. Half of his slave trade is in sex trafficking. Maybe more than half."

Leia paled. "Han never mentioned that."

"I doubt he'd want you to know," Luke explained. "He may not have even realized it himself. You know how Han felt about the slave trade industry. Jabba runs that side of his business out of Tatooine. Four years ago was the first time Han had ever been here."

"When we get back to the fleet, Tatooine is the next planet I want inducted into the Alliance. There's got to be some authority on this planet other than Jabba. We can—

"Leia, you're getting ahead of yourself," Luke cut in. "Look, Jabba smuggles a lot of these females off-world, but he keeps several for himself."

Leia's face twisted in confusion. "For himself? Why? It's not like he can, well, _do_ anything with them."

"Jabba has a reputation among the hutts for his perversion, liking human dancing girls."

Her nose wrinkled.

"The others," Luke continued, eyes resolutely on the table. "He gives to his guests as entertainment."

"And you think that if I am discovered…"

"People don't become slaves willingly, Leia," he said softly. "Most of them are refugees or prisoners of war. Some were just in the wrong place at the wrong time."

They sat for a moment in silence as the implications sunk in.

"Well, I won't get caught," Leia announced.

Luke groaned.

"Luke, I will be in disguise, fully-armed, not looking even remotely like dancing-girl material. And I'll have a Wookie as back-up."

"Leia…"

"Plus, Lando will already be there, if something goes wrong, which it _won't_ because we've been over this a dozen times."

"This changes everything!"

"This changes nothing," Leia contradicted firmly. "You know I can handle myself."

"Yes! You know how to take care of yourself," he agreed. "In a fire fight, or in the command station, or before the High Council. But this is completely different! We are talking about a covert mission. One person in a hostile environment. And if your cover is blown, that's it, Leia! It doesn't matter how good a shot you are, or how well you negotiate. Even Chewie won't be able to help you against all of Jabba's guards. He will tag you as his property and ship you off-world or use you as a—a trophy, to pass around to his guests. Is that what you want? Is that what you think Han would want?"

"Han would want out!" She matched his tone and volume with fists clenched. "He would want to be free by any means necessary and I will give him that! I _owe_ him that!"

"You don't owe him that."

"Why do you think he was captured, Luke?" She demanded. "He could have paid Jabba back a thousand times over if we, if _I_, hadn't kept renegotiating his fee and insisting that he stay with us a little longer. If he had taken any other job he would have had that money. We could barely pay him enough to keep his ship in the air."

"Then why do you think he stayed?" Luke asked quietly.

The corners of Leia's mouth turned up. "I always thought he stayed because of you."

Luke let out a short laugh. "Then maybe I should be the one that risks getting caught by Jabba."

Leia met his eyes.

"I have to do this, Luke. It's not just about making things right with Han. I have to know he's okay. And I can't—I'm not good at waiting."

"I know," he said, sighing.

"Besides, if I _do_ get caught," Leia said with a hint of mischief. "You'll come for us. And isn't there a part of you that likes that? Getting to be the hero?"

"I'd rather you all just get out safe."

"Come on," Leia teased. "Somewhere under the black robes and solemnity is that farmboy who broke into a detention cell four years ago and said, 'I'm Luke Skywalker! I'm here to rescue you.'"

She smiled encouragingly at him and he felt a tug at the corners of his own lips.

"He's not completely gone, is he? That farm boy?"

Only because he knew her as well as he did could he hear a hint of desperation in her voice. He knew that he was a changed man after his encounter with Vader on Cloud City. He had not realized how much. But as he looked at her now, he knew that she didn't recognize him. And she was scared. He felt her apprehension as much as he saw it. She was scared of losing him and scared of the person he has become. A wave of sadness washed over him as he wanted to reassure her, but he feared that boy was gone too.

He looked up at her through his dirty bangs with a shadow of a smile, hoping it would calm her fears where his words could not.

"There he is," she whispered. She leaned forward and pressed her lips to his forehead. He drank in the feel of her touch and the scent of her skin, sweaty and sweet, like the smell of his childhood.

"I always come for you," he said.

She sat up on her stool and regarded him cautiously.

"But you have to promise me that you will take care of yourself in there."

"I will."

"And if you don't return with the others…"

"Twelve hours," she recited.

"Twelve hours and I will be there."

"You won't have to."

"I guess we'll see."

"So…"

"I'll get the suit."

"How do I look?" Leia said, modelling the newly-obtained armour.

Luke's lips turned upward, but he knew the smile didn't reach his eyes. She wouldn't notice through the vision portal in the bounty hunter's helmet.

"Ready for action," he replied. "Turn on the voice modulator."

Leia fumbled with the mouth piece of the helmet until her fingers alighted on a small, hidden switch.

_"Do I sound ready for action?"_

Luke started at the grating, mechanical voice that came from the tiny woman.

Leia dissolved in to giggles and removed the helmet.

"Must have been pretty convincing."

"You won't be able to speak Basic," Luke reminded her.

"Not a problem," she assured him, setting down the helmet and running a hand through her mused hair. "Ubese is a common enough language among sentients with under-developed vocal chords. We had a few speakers at court."

"But did you ever speak it yourself?"

_"Cho, shay ayay yotoh_."

"So, not really then."

Leia gave him a light shove, "I'm not fluent, but I'll be terse. Cultivate an air of mystery."

Luke muttered, "Cultivate an air of getting yourself killed."

"What was that?"

"Nothing," was his quick reply.

"And how many languages do you have under your belt, Master Jedi?" She demanded playfully.

"I can understand Huttese," he said to his defence. "And Shyriiwook… Hey! Not all us were groomed for intergalactic diplomacy from infancy!"

Leia pressed her lips together and patted him on the shoulder, the picture of condescension.

Luke shrugged her off.

"Alright, alright. What's for dinner, anyway? I'm starving."

"I was hoping you would tell me," Leia met his inquisitive stare with a sweet smile.

Luke groaned.

"I can't wait until we get Han back. He was the only one who knew how to cook around here."

Leia nodded in agreement.

It was two weeks before Lando was able to smuggle out a copy of the interior schematics from Jabba's place. They went over the details for hours until both of them had the plans memorized. There was nothing left to do until dawn, so the two sat at the small kitchen table and chewed at their dinner unenthusiastically. Conversation had all but ceased over the last few days and both Luke and Leia had grown restless and despondent with nothing to do but wait.

Luke picked over his plate of leftovers, lost in his own thoughts. Tomorrow morning, he would send out the droids with the message that would put their long-awaited plan into action. If all went well, soon, Han would be back and he would be gone. He had put his plans to return to Dagobah on hold for the nine months it had taken to locate Han and organize his rescue. There were weeks, even the odd month, of down time, but he had delayed his return, rationalizing that the others needed him. The truth was that he didn't want to face his master yet.

His gut twisted at the thought of seeing Yoda again. He had to know the truth.

_"Much anger in him, like his father."_

Luke pushed away his half-eaten dinner, feeling sick.

They all knew the truth. Yoda. Ben. Owen…

No wonder Owen had never trusted him, never let himself get close. He wondered if Beru had known as well. She must have. But she still loved him. That much he knew. What he didn't know was how. How could anyone love the child of that _monster_?

"I thought you were starving?" Leia interrupted his inner tirade of self-doubt with a concerned look.

"Don't tell him I said so, but Chewie's cooking leaves much to be desired."

"You've lost weight."

"I thought you'd never notice!" Luke teased.

"Seriously, Luke," she pressed. "You need to eat something."

"What about you?" He countered. He studied her face. Tiny creases lined the corners of her eyes where nine months ago her skin had been taught and unmarred. Dark circles under each eye bore testament to one too many sleepless nights. Her face was thinner, the plump cheeks of her youth had disappeared and she looked older, more tired. Sad.

When had she become so melancholy?

During the last year, her patience had worn thin and her temper was shorter, but save that one night on the _Millennium Falcon _when they had left the fleet, she had been nothing but determined. Now she looked defeated. Or had this sadness taken hold of her long ago, and he had been too absorbed in the aftermath of Vader's revelation to notice?

The sick feeling in his stomach grew teeth.

Had she been carrying him all of this time?

He always saw himself as her protector, but he hadn't realized that she was drowning even as she stood right beside him.

"We're quite a pair, aren't we?" She asked.

He couldn't think of anything to say to that. He wanted to apologize, but he wouldn't know where to start.

"We'll be alright," she continued. "We'll get him back and we'll be alright…"

When he looked up, he saw her over at the sink, rinsing off her plate. Then, a glass slipped out of her tightly coiled grip and she let out a muttered curse. As she scrambled to pick up the shattered cup, Luke heard her hiss and saw blood blossom from a thin cut on her right hand.

"Leia?"

She didn't answer. She held her hand and turned to face the wall opposite him.

"Leia?" He tried again.

"I'm fine," came the muffled reply. "I'm going to bed. Big day tomorrow."

Luke hesitated for a moment, then followed her into the alcove where she had set up her cot and pulled back the wool-spun curtain intended for the illusion of privacy. She stood facing the wall, naked, long hair in a simple braid trailing down her bare back.

"Oh, sorry," Luke backed away.

She looked over her shoulder and slipped an over-sized tunic over her head.

"Don't worry," she demurred. "It's nothing you haven't seen before."

Luke felt his face and neck grow warm and he suddenly forgot why he had followed her. She sighed heavily and sat down at the head of her makeshift bed with her knees tucked under her chin. He perched gingerly at the side of the bed and regarded her.

"Leia? What's wrong?"

Several moments passed before she raked her stare away from the covers to look at him. Once, years ago, he thought her eyes were the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen; always flashing with laughter or anger, sparkling with passion and determination. Now, they seemed flat and empty. He wondered again how he hadn't noticed how she had been slipping away, bit by bit.

When she spoke, not for the first time, she answered his thoughts as if he had voiced them out loud.

"Sometimes, I wonder if Han wasn't the only one taken back on Cloud City."

"What do you mean?"

"Do you think he'll be the same, Luke?" She asked, really looking at him for the first time.

"I—I don't see why he wouldn't be," he stammered.

"Will any of us ever be the same?"

He reached for her hand, hoping to bring her back to the present.

"Leia, what's wrong?"

"What did Vader do to you, Luke?"

Luke suddenly forgot how to breathe. He withdrew his hand from hers and stared at his knees.

_Don't make me tell you, Leia,_ he begged her, silently.

"He tortured me," she informed him in a flat monotone. "Han and I both. I thought he was going to kill me. Again. Sometimes… I wish he had."

Luke's head jerked up.

"You don't mean that."

"I'm so tired, Luke," she admitted, her eyes finally spilling over. "I'm so tired of fighting and running away and being alone."

"You're not alone, Leia. You've never been alone. I'm right here!"

She chuckled softly.

"No you're not, Luke. Vader took you too, didn't he? You know what I mean. You're not the same anymore. You lost something."

"I did," he agreed. "Things… they just aren't simple anymore. Sometimes I wish I could unlearn it all…"

"What do you mean?"

"All of it," Luke repeated. "How to re-wire a sub-light speed engine for freezing temperatures, the right way to roll to avoid getting your X-Wing's undercarriage torched by enemy fire, how to make four days of rations last for nine—

"Try making a budget for four months last for nine."

"Learning how to lie when you get caught—

"Learning how to understand Shirywook? Speak High Corillian? Do you want to unlearn that too?"

"No," Luke admitted.

"Fly an X-Wing?"

He shook his head.

"Use a lightsabre?"

"I don't know," he whispered.

His eyes lost their focus and he shuddered. He was on the platform on Cloud City. Every time he paused, he was back on that metal grate, being forced closer to the edge as the wind screamed in his ears. He bit the inside of his cheek, willing himself to forget. If he stayed here, he would hear it again.

_"No, I am your—_

_ NO!_

"—to go, don't you?"

Luke blinked.

"What?"

Leia wiped her face with the back of her hand and sat up straighter.

"After we rescue Han, you have to go, don't you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Luke, it's fine. I understand. High Council would kill me for telling you this, but you _should_ go."

"What, leave the Alliance?"

"You're disillusioned. We ask too much of our fighters every day, but after what you've been through… I can't ask you to stay."

Luke smiled, "Is this you trying not to be selfish?"

"I want you to be happy."

"How could I be happy without you?"

He felt his face grow warm, but he didn't look away.

"I… don't even know what a life without you in it looks like," he admitted. "I don't want to."

"Thank you," she whispered.

He shrugged one shoulder.

"It's the truth, Leia. I don't even remember what it was like not to know you."

She nodded, "Me too."


End file.
